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How do I tell you?!

How do I tell you, that all I'm trying to be is far from what I am... That what I am is not what I can accept! That all that is in me like an onion, is to be peeled off.. that what I am is way down under.. and even then how much of me, in me, is me? Is that really even a choice I have? Is that a step that can be taken and if yes then should it? In the end I feel all I want to be is a sun total of all I have seen and liked.. but the paradox lies in that, if I have liked it, then is that truly that different from the me, that is in me, which is not me?! Wish I could simplify it! And maybe it is... And maybe in the chaos of all this complexity I will find the calm among the storm.. the pattern in the chaos.. the simplicity in this complexity... Until then I can only hope to hold on, move forward, keep maybe done distance, in a hope to see the bigger picture..  I seem to want it badly enough... Must be something good about it! And, along the way, create my own chaos to add to the patte
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Letter - Unsent

To, Whomsoever it may concern, Dear friend, For all the struggles we have seen together! For all the mistakes we see each other make!... I am the happiest to realise I still have you around.. Even when I'm alone, and still when I'm lonely, I know for sure you're around! Even as I travel into the depths of my darkness, the calmness I have is primarily in knowing my hand is in yours... It is in knowing that maybe this is. Shared darkness, and that I may be giving you the same calm! Yet somewhere, off late, I realise a void inside, A crack rather, letting in the tide... Like I've begun to fill from center to out, With something unknown, something unthought! Yet a faith there is that from this I shall survive even if anew... And whatever may change in me, lots of few, I hope I have that hand to hold on to... And give calm into you, that I receive from you!! To my parallel universe, I speak unto thee... I love all that you are and all you can be!! - excerpts from the writing
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Reasons!

If it was at all important, Reasons are what keeps us workin... Known or unknown to us within, But deep within, we all have a reason to live. To drive our day & get through the slumps, To ride the wave & let go of the bumps. For all we do may not connect to it at first, But we are all driven with reasons of purpose. Maybe if we go realise and somehow actualise it, We can choose our tasks better to materialise it... The reasons for every task there be, Even ending life that should be carefree... With enough mundane tasks piling on each other, The light from our reason is muffled and bothered. And the further we stand from the reason internally, The quicker the darkness is the season eternally... But the solution too mostly is simply on the nose... Even the internal you has a light to guide like Pros ... And once that light is there,  There is no more black that's bare. However till then, enjoy the dark, For when you can't see, imagine the park... Make hay while the sun s
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Art and Conditioning

Just completed watching Mona Lisa Smile for the n-th time... How is it we are unable to retain the same high of an experience throughout our lifetime without having to re-experience the high again? I know and remembered the movie was spectacular. I more or less knew it had moved me every time I have seen it. I know it pulls and tugs on multiple strings, such as, the impact of a strong teacher to a student... that a teacher's job is to, in the words of Maria Montessory, stir the mind and leave it free to develop... Such as the impact I may have had on my friends and colleagues and people I have conversed with for more than a few sentences on a depth beyond the initial few measurements of the surface of life... On my own mind and it's racing and foraging curiosity... On the questions and thoughts I bring and ask myself everytime I come across a soul stirring experience like standing face to face with nature's magnificence, or watching a movie that can stir the soul... I know
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Poetry

If I was to tell you a story, that made you cry, How would it be, would you have a big sigh? Would you think it would be intense? Or just a panda with incense? Or may a puppy overcoming the odds, Or a rival, an enemy, their perspective broken to shards, A U turn in what you thought was to happen? A reign you fought for but turns out just cappin... Or any of these told in a specific format, Short? Succinct? Or maybe you're mad... Maybe it's all the words not said in plaid.. For all I know, the rhymes are too fab... But it doesn't matter, whatever the tale, If told with fervour, it can rarely fail... It is the telling of stories not in prose, Not in song or not for those, Those around and everywhere we see, It is so the writer can release and be free... If it's so then I promise you this, If nothing else poetry exists... - the one who misses the rain!
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Lost and Found.

From the way you smile, to your vibe surround, You bring me up, my joy knows no bounds.. The way u showed me your true self so raw, And took a look at mine you saw, So beautiful it was to see your soul and how I enjoyed the life I envisioned and want it now. Spending time together and consuming the love, I want to grow with the weather and together like doves. Cook and clean the home we would share forever, Spending every minute with you, leaving never. Like the universe as a single entity, We would merge and become one personality.. Two beings so lost in each other, I hope to find u in life and get lost in another. Someday not far away I hope we meet, So I can show you all the love, head to feet. Don't know where the boundless energy starts from, And no end in sight an infinity conundrum. If I continue to speak we will loose our lives, For all the time left is not enough even if I be concise. So hope to show you all the joy and care you deserve, Every inch of me is consumed by you
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A room to One's Own

If there ever shall be a day after Tomorrow, A time ahead with more joy than sorrow... A better day than today and others to follow, I will tell you not how I was once hollow... How I came to this space to find my light after the darkness, How I found my case to mind my plight, for my heart the strongest... I won't tell you how I fell in love with all of you I saw, To be present to your cold with no shirt and still thaw... For all the joy & life that I saw and hope to see ahead, Y'all be the strife, so raw, yet so critical in the head. I will not tell you what masterpieces you all are, Picassos and woolfs and PhD thesis you draw.. This Time that does skewer our lenses just right, Squint and the paint blobs that are in sight, Align and coalesce to show each of you in all might, The glaze, they amaze, to portray the life that is in plight... I won't tell you that my intensity is at its heights, As I consider leaving this wonderful ride so bright. All my learnings of you,
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